Sticky Kisses & Dirty Hugs

I have found that in my infinite wisdom, I can't be great all the time.  I had these grand and lofty ideas of motherhood.  I wouldn't do this and I wouldn't do that (no specifics here) but I found myself doing all of the above.  I am a little embarrassed that I judged mothers before I was one.  It is so hard.  It is the most amazing and most challenging thing I will ever do.  Imagine, what I do everyday will have an impact on the little people I put out into the world.  It is terrifying.  When I say "terrifying", I mean stand still, don't want to move, petrified.  I had found myself always afraid of the mistakes I would make.  I have learned that all I can do is get better.  I may never be great but to be better is pretty great in itself.  It is our ability as humans to be able to look at a mistake and learn from it, to grow.  I can only hope that I can impose that upon my girls.  It's ok to fall, to make mistakes.  It is the only way to grow up.  In my mid-thirties I am still growing up.  I have so much to learn and in some strange way my 2 girls have helped me with that.  Their ever growing love for me has created a space where I can mess up every now and then and they will be just fine with that.  They may even be ready with a sticky kiss or two.  Oh, did I ever have this mommy thing all wrong.   It is I who am learning.  I am going to be the best Mommy I can and my 2 girls are going to be amazing women one day.

In a week I register my "baby girl" for kindergarten.  I cannot believe how time has gone by.  I look back on when she was born and the awe I felt.  It seems like a million years ago.  I thought I would never get past the sleepless nights, new mom insecurities, poopy diapers, beebees, and baby blues.  But here I am and here she is, 5 years later.


Those days are behind us and today I have this girl that is outgoing and confident, witty and smart.  She has a wicked sense of humor.  Her laugh lights up my world in a way I never thought possible.  She forever has a part of my heart and has awakened my soul.


She has this way of making friends that I am almost jealous of.  She is currently in a preschool near my work but will be starting Kindergarten near our house (about an hour difference) so not a single friend she has made will be at her new school.  I started telling her about how in Kindergarten she is going to be going to a new school and none of her preschool friends will be there.  Her response was, "A NEW SCHOOL!!! I am so excited mama.  I am gonna have lots of new friends and meet lots of new people.  I am just gonna say hi to them all and they will be my friend". Oh the confidence and excitement to meet new people.  I wish I had that quality and I love that she is so outgoing.  My fears were immediately melted away.  My "baby" is gonna be just fine.  She is going to conquer the world.  I am so blessed to be able to watch her do it.

To Lyla I say, "go get 'em tiger" they are lucky to have you.

Love you,
Mama